The Thai that bores

Love may trump bullets, but its got nothing on pompous Marin men

Do you know the meaning of the word suffer? I do. So do my single gal pals. Laurie, especially, knows.

Here's the definition from my dictionary: Suffer [suhf- er] when a woman is forced to endure a seemingly endless date with a boorish man she met on match.com or some other website.

It only afflicts women, because men never listen to what we say anyway. Unless they think it will help them get in our pants. Then, men glean a few words here and there to regurgitate later, thereby fooling us into believing they hung on our every word during dinner. Don't even bother writing to me denying it. I have too many men on record admitting to this self-serving behavior.

Why do women suffer through long, drawn-out, agonizing dates? Simple. Our mothers taught us to be polite. We would never dream of interrupting a man boasting about being a maverick in the insurance industry. It would never occur to us to end his ranting about his ex- wife taking everything he owned. Of course, we wouldn't be complete without hearing his detailed account of the day he won the intramural Frisbee golf tournament - in 1985.

We are respectful, waiting until the busboy clears the last plate and we pay our half of the check. Only then do we feel it appropriate to make our getaway. Alone in the car, driving home to our dogs, we realize that we wasted four hours. If we want to squander the precious little time we have left to reproduce, we'd prefer to stay home and play Scrabble on the Internet with strangers in New Zealand. But, we know we have to kiss those frogs.

Last Friday night, Laurie stood at a lookout point on the Marin side of the Golden Gate Bridge. Thai, her companion, was a good-looking guy she met recently on OK Cupid. Some of us were concerned that he asked her to rendezvous at the bridge for their first date, but Laurie thought it was romantic. Unfortunately, it was anything but. The wind and cold were almost as insufferable as Thai, who seemed oblivious to Laurie's discomfort.

He talked about himself for a half-hour. Not one question for Laurie and he never let her ask him anything. Describing himself as a powerful attorney who grew a conscience, he claimed he sacrificed his high income to become a political activist. (Never mind the prison stint in Oregon that forced him to give up his legal practice, which we found out about later when we Googled him.)

Laurie eventually interrupted Thai. It was difficult, because he talked over her. Nudging his shoulder, she got his attention. "Do you realize you've been talking about yourself for more than 30 minutes?" she asked.

"I find that sharing my stories helps people open up," he replied.

Though she had mentioned she grew up in Marin, he began pointing out landmarks across the bay. Again, Laurie couldn't get a word in. After 10 more minutes, she decided this frog wasn't going to croak at her any longer. She pulled her keys out of her jacket pocket and dangled them in front of Thai's face. "Goodbye," she said. Without looking back, she got in her car and drove away.

The next morning, he sent her this email:

I'm sorry our meeting wasn't what you'd hoped and if I seemed too self-absorbed for the moment. There are absolutely no hard feelings on this end. I truly wish you the best in finding the connection(s) that will keep you smiling, giggling, and alive in the notion that capitalism is a soulless venture, regardless of the souls within.

I am not disconnected with humanity. Rather, my thoughts have been with a Congresswoman whom Yd never heard of until last weekend. And, the man who loves her. Theirs is something so strong that when he asked her two days ago to give him the "thumbs up" (an indication of cognitive and motor recovery), she, instead, reached out to the ring finger of his left hand where his wedding band is worn. She grasped and held it for a moment, and in a magnificent display ofuover and above," she showed him how she's really doing in there. Way better than "thumbs up."

Monday is the observance of MLK. "One more in the name of love." I think it's worth noting that love cannot be felled by sudden lead poisoning. Ym positive that the reverend would have agreed.

Laurie forwarded the email to the single sisters on the hill. Kim called him a sociopath and I gushed that Laurie was courageous to walk out on the date.

"I guess I didn't need to worry about you meeting him at the bridge at night," Abby said. "That guy wouldn't get far enough from a mirror to abduct you to thick foliage."

We continued to make fun of Thai and congratulate Laurie. Then, the gals on the hill made a pact to end our suffering quickly forever more. Thirty minutes is now our politeness limit for sanctimonious blowhards. Gentlemen, you may want to shut up every now and then, or you'll be taking in the view all by yourselves and we'll be sitting at home becoming Scrabble masters while the last of our eggs overcook.

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Email:nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com.